I Am Not In Control

Through the years, I would like to think that I have grown in my knowledge of the Bible and God. I grew up in a culture that focused a little more time on being moral. I am in no way implying that this culture was not a Christian culture. It was indeed. At least in my case, what I understood was that if I was good that meant that I was a Christian. If someone wasn't a believer, but they were a good moral person, then they had a ton of potential.

Potential, that is a funny word. Growing up hearing from several different people that I was not smart or that I would never graduate from high school, the word potential came with a bitter flavor. Hearing different "Christian" people call me stupid and stuff made me hate God. The people that said those things were supposed to love and protect me. Why would I love something that should have been discarded? I hated everything about God, and everything that represented God. I was blind. I was God's enemy. There was nothing about me that was righteous. Sure, I knew about God, but even the demons believe and shutter.

Thank you Jesus for not looking at my earthly potential. God, in His grace, opened my unwilling eyes to my need of Him. It was a long journey for me to truly realize that God doesn't mess up. God truly made me for His glory.

Over the years, I have slowly gained more and more understanding of the amount of love He has for me. The depth of brutality during the crucifixion. The Creator of the universe adopting me as His child! That is crazy! That is extraordinary grace! While others were telling me that I would never graduate from high school, God was glorifying Himself by adopting me! This adoption has given me a positive identity. My identity is not built on what others think of me. My identity is built upon the Lamb of God.

This brings me to my current situation. For those who may not know, I have a tumor in my right eye. It has not been identified as cancerous or not. I am going to Emory Hospital in Atlanta tomorrow. No matter what the outcome may be with this tumor, I am still a child of God. God has done so much for me that I could never be able to repay. I am so honored to be able to serve Him. I am not worthy. I was incapable of bringing anything to the table to barter with on behalf of my salvation. It is only through His righteousness that I am able to be what many others told me I would never do.

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